Formstone

John Waters called it the “polyester of brick.” In Baltimore, we call it Formstone, a brand name that describes the cementious materials applied to exterior walls, and manipulated to look like stone. Other brand names include “Permastone” and others.

Patented by Baltimorean Albert Knight in 1937 for his Lasting Products Company, Formstone is so ubiquitous that it has come to personify the kitsch-y, quirky, unselfconscious irony that is Baltimore. In 1997, John Waters, the High Priest of Baltimore kitsch, and producer Lillian Bowers, immortalized Formstone in their documentary entitled “Little Castles: a Formstone Phenomenon.”

Bland and homely, Formstone stimulates profound passions. In some areas, the first sign of Yuppie-fication is the appearance of scaffolding, and the disappearance of Formstone. But according to some architectural historians and nostalgia buffs, this simulated masonry may be worthy of preservation. The Hampden Village Main Street Program states, “While to Formstone removal may also be included as a façade improvement, applicants are encouraged to keep Formstone that is in good condition as it is a distinctive part of Baltimore’s unique heritage.”

The National Architectural Historic Trust has described a case in which a Formstone façade was successfully granted an “easement”. But if they do, then you might consider a historic façade easement that would protect your Formstone heritage for posterity.

References:
Paul K. Williams. Old House Online Journal http://www.oldhousejournal.com/magazine/2003/june/faux_stone.shtml

Marble Step Maintenance

Got marble steps? Then you’ve got authentic, genuine Baltimore on your stoop! Marble front steps are as Baltimore as Hon and crab cakes. They give class to our charming homes, and take the place of the backyard fence as a meeting place for neighborhood gossip.

Marble steps are at their best when kept clean and gleaming. Old timers treasured these symbols of architectural distinction and prosperity, and they scrubbed their steps weekly—a sacred ritual. Newcomers—get off your butts! Do justice to our architectural heritage, take part in an authentic local custom, and make a big difference on the spirit of your block! Here is how you do it:

1. Go to Santoni’s
2. Get a can of Bon Ami cleanser, and a hunk of pumice or metal-bristle brush
3. Mix Bon Ami and warm water in a bucket
4. Shoo your neighbors off your stoop
5. Scrub steps with cleanser and pumice
6. Put on sunglasses to protect your eyes from the astonishing glare of pure white marble

That’s it. By taking part in this sacred ritual, you earn the title of True Baltimorean, and take your place in the pantheon of neighbors who lived, loved and ate crab cakes on these very same steps.

By the way, if you can’t make it to Santoni’s, the bourgeois alternative is to pick up a ready-made marble step cleaning kit at Hometown Girl, in Hampden. That is, if being a poseur doesn’t bother you.

Painted Screens
www.screenpainter.com

Need a fix of local kitsch? Then look no further than your neighbor’s window. Painted screens are a Baltimore tradition—one that new neighbors can also embrace. Dee Herget is one of our city’s most illustrious screen painters, and has a beautiful website—and book! —with examples of this art form.

Window Bricolage
Window bricolage is the politically correct term for the quirky still-lifes that adorn some local windowsills. Some have religious or holiday themes. Others are permanent installations with complex philosophies that remind us how fascinating Baltimore is. Great examples can be found on Unit South Curley, Unit South Potomac—or maybe right next door to you!